Today has been a very humbling day.

I keep searching for someone to talk to, a friend who will completely understand me. I keep searching for a friend who will be able to give me the magic answers to all of my problems. I keep searching ... The more I search, the more disappointed I become. The more disappointed I become, the more I realize it's not the friends. They are doing everything friends are supposed to do. They're listening. They're supporting. They're encouraging. They just have one downfall, and I'm sure they feel the same about me: They can't know all of me. They can never fulfill that need I have for someone to know all of me.

That intimate relationship is saved for just me and God to have.

Honestly, that drives me crazy sometimes. I need friends. I need intimate friendships. I don't think I've ever had an intimate friendship that was honest and godly though. So I keep searching for that friendship that is going to give me all that I want. To my dismay, I'm starting to realize I'm not going to find it. Not even when I get married. My husband and I can become closer than any other two people can become. However, he is not even going to know every corner of my heart. That's just for me and God.

So what to do now? I have no idea. I'm struggling with talking to God. I'm not quite sure how to pray anymore. I guess I'm working on it. I'll get there. I think right now my prayers are little sentence fragments almost. I never get a full thought out. He's working on me though.

So why was today humbling? I learned how to love. I learned how to admit that I have a sin that is consuming me right now. I learned how to call up a friend just to say pray for me. The friend didn't need to understand. The friend didn't need to know the whole story. I just told the friend I need prayers and that Satan is working on my heart right now.

I say that Satan is working on my heart right now. Truth is, God is working even more. That scares me. He's trying to change me ... humble me ... cleanse me. I just need to let Him. I need to become a lot more humble and say, "OK, God. Your ways are higher than my ways. Your thoughts are better than my thoughts. Now lead me to the water's edge and help me to trust You."

Isaiah 55:8-9 (The Message): "I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think." God's Decree.