I love my job. I really do. Today wore me out, however.

Tonight was a yearbook work night. Those usually don't seem to bother me. Tonight's did for some reason. I think the staff is getting worn out and just wants to be finished. It seemed pretty unproductive. Well, productive, just not as productive as usual.

There's one aspect of my job that I absolutely love. People need me constantly. It boosts the ego. I'm not going to lie. I love it. I love talking with students. I love helping them. I love it. If being needed by students was my only responsibility at work I'd have it made.

Tonight, however that bothered me too. I found myself wanting to be the one needing someone. As the first-year adviser I sometimes think I'm out on a limb by myself making decisions and being authoritative. That's why I was so happy to see two of my Harding co-workers up there borrowing our office tonight. They're my age. They work for Harding. They were there. I felt like, once again, I had someone on my level back up there. That still didn't fulfill my want to need someone. I bounced a couple things off of them. Didn't help. I guess I was waiting for them to tell me the answers to my problems, just like what I was talking about Sunday night. I want someone to give me the easy answer.

Several e-mails came across my desk tonight that I wanted to scream about. I just wanted to scream, "Why?" "Why do I have to deal with this? I can't deal with this. I don't have my ducks in enough of a row to be able to handle this right now. Why?" Really, what I should have done was pray to God. "God, I love you so much. I can't do this without you. I can't get through this week, this night, without you. You are my protector, my leader, my savior. Deliver me. Guide me through all of this junk."

Again, just like the other night, it's not people I need. It's God. Why can't I get that through my head? There was no way in the world my co-workers could give me answers to my work dilemmas tonight. I'll eventually have it down. Rely on God. Not people.

Goodness, I was so tired tonight. Tired of thinking. Tired of planning. Tired of reading. Tired of writing. Just tired of doing. I'm sure those who were working with me tonight sensed it. I couldn't help it. Around 9 p.m. I was starting to glaze. 9 p.m. up there is super early. However, I just turned into a granny tonight. I don't know what happened. I was just tired.

It was also around 9 p.m. that I had a coffee/chocolate craving. Why is it that when we get tired we run to coffee or candy? I do it a couple of times a day. It just hit me that what we should be doing is running to God when we're that tired. Isn't He the one who will awaken our spirits and aliven our souls? Isn't that what we need to get us through the day and through the weariness of life?